


Date For Hire

by jollllly



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: (can't believe it's not an angst fic), An absolute idiot, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Ted is Clueless, bill is a sweetheart, bless Paul for having to put up with them, but not really enemies more like someone who just doesn't like you very much, i lost count how many times ted either winks or smirks, paul is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23223454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jollllly/pseuds/jollllly
Summary: Ted posts an ad as a "date for hire". It's a good plan. He needs cash and there's (for whatever reason) a market for it. Except someone keeps unintentionally running into him.
Relationships: Bill/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 91
Kudos: 55





	1. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not only is this easily the longest thing i've ever written, but it's also my first multi-chapter fic (and also the first time i'm posting a fic without being finished with writing it yet), so pls bear with me
> 
> you've probably seen the tumblr post that inspired this. i've been wanting to write a fic w/ this trope for so long now
> 
> this was originally supposed to be a short drabble but uhhh it's Not
> 
> anyways, please enjoy!!!

Ted’s short on cash, all right? Sue him. Life’s tough, working in the service industry fucking sucks, the job market is ridiculous, and bills still need to be paid. So that’s how he ended up resorting to being a cliche. He needs money, and he knows there’s a market. So he writes an ad.

“ **FAKE DINNER PARTY DATE FOR HIRE (TRICK YOUR FAMILY INTO THINKING SOMEONE WANTS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU)  
**

I’m a 32 year old guy who’s been on the job hunt for way too many months with no luck, so I’m resorting to this. Let me help you trick your family into thinking you’re in a relationship with me. Willing to put on a positive, negative, or neutral persona depending on how you want the night to turn out. I can go full-on douchebag if you wanna piss off your parents, boring office-worker with zero personality, or a chill nice-guy. Intensity can range from second date to very long term/serious relationship. LGBT+ friendly. Any relationship type welcome (het, queer, poly, anything)

$30 per evening (no strings attached, i’m not that cheap) + free meal

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers”

Ted’s a flirt, so he feels he may as well get paid to do so. He laments not living in a big city where he could be raking in cash and wouldn’t even have to worry about running into his “exes” or, more importantly, whoever they’re tricking. But of course Hatchetfield is a tiny fucking town, much too small to start this kind of business in, so he chooses to set his location to Clivesdale. The extra drive is just something he’ll have to deal with if he wants to keep his apartment. He posts the ad.

A few days later Ted has his first gig set: a guy named Riley asking if he’s available to be his +1 at a wedding in a week.

“Sorry for such late notice. I know weddings are big and not everyone’s comfortable with them, but you don’t even have to wear a suit if you don’t want to! In fact, that might even fit the character? See, this guy I’ve been pining after and semi-talking with for over a year is gonna be there, and our relationship hasn’t moved forward in _months_ , and it kinda feels like the perfect opportunity to make him jealous and actually make a move? Or see if he has any further interest at all or not. Either way, if my +1 was a gross asshole who paid more attention to the other guests than me, it might make him wanna actually talk to me about our feelings/relationship for once.

Let me know if this is something you’d be down for? I’m willing to negotiate pay since it’s such a big event!”

Ted decides to ignore the morally gray area Riley’s definitely getting himself into with this guy, and focuses on the fact that he was just offered the opportunity to literally get paid to go to a wedding, eat fancy catering, and ogle and flirt with fancily-dressed people, and that’s kind of a dream (minus the love and happiness shit). He accepts the gig.

A week passes, communication continues, and Riley and Ted have a plan. Soon enough, Ted finds himself driving his piece of shit car to pick him up before heading to the ceremony. Riley seems anxious, but one look at the car and Ted’s attire, and he begins to calm down.

“This might actually work,” he breathes out.

Ted normally wouldn’t let someone get away with insinuating something like that about his appearance, _but_ he decides to let it slide since this guy _is_ paying him.

When the pair arrive, Ted's button-down, no tie look is easily an eye-catching faux pas, especially next to Riley's (as it should be) formal attire. Just as planned.

He grabs Riley’s hand, and together they walk into the church. His date steers him towards one of the pews, which are quickly filling as the ceremony grows closer and closer to beginning. Riley subtly points out their target just a few people down the row before the stranger begins making his way over, an unreadable expression clumsily hidden behind his smile.

“I was worried you wouldn’t make it.”

Ted’s attention wanders towards the other guests around them as the two embrace.

“Yeah, sorry about that. We were running a bit late getting ready,” Riley turns towards Ted, bringing the man’s attention back to his date. Satisfied with Ted’s current performance, Riley begins introductions, “Alex, this is Ted. Ted, Alex.”

Ted finally turns his attention to this Alex guy. He takes his time looking him over before smirking and holding out a hand.

“Nice to meet you, Alex.”

He holds the other man’s gaze and hand for a few seconds longer than needed before releasing his grip and shoving his hand back in his pocket, putting on a bit of a show as his gaze flicks down Alex’s body in the process.

Riley pretends not to notice this ridiculous display or Alex’s slight unease as he continues small talk with the latter. Ted’s attention once again wanders as he takes in the figures around him. He wonders if Riley would mind if he actually tried to pick someone up this evening. Is that a shitty thing to do? I mean, you can’t blame him. He’s a single man who’s been hired to flirt his way through the event; it’s a shame to waste his talents on those uninterested.

The ceremony starts, and halfway through Ted puts his hand on Riley’s knee. Since Alex had moved to sit next to Riley before the event began, his close proximity guarantees that he sees the movement. Emboldened by this knowledge, Ted begins to creep his hand up Riley’s thigh before the other man catches him and repositions them to hold hands on his lap instead. Ted sighs quietly and immediately removes himself from the other’s grasp, returnsing his hands to his lap and tapping his thumbs on his thighs as if bored. Riley’s abandoned hand falls and softly closes around the air, and if Ted wasn’t being paid to do this, his heart would have broken from that sight alone.

The ceremony ends, and the pair wait for the newlyweds outside the church with the rest of the guests. Riley mingles with his friends, and Ted’s disinterested gaze sweeps the crowd. A few times he catches Alex looking at him, and, every time, Ted shoots him a wink before continuing his observations.

By the time they make it to the ballroom, Ted’s ready to get this show on the road. As luck would have it, Alex is placed at their table for the reception, along with three other guests who Ted thinks he could totally have some fun with. Introductions are made as people arrive; Ted continues to make eyes at every individual he’s introduced to, and Riley continues to pretend he doesn’t notice.

While Alex is seated on the other side of Riley, Ted is seated next to a woman named Alayna who grew up with the groom, but doesn’t know too many other people in his life anymore. Throughout the meal, Ted “grows bored” of taking part in Riley’s conversations and strikes one up with Alayna. He doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he does throw on the charm, make some suggestive comments, and send a few winks her way.

Midway through the main course, Riley gets up to order another drink from the bar, offering to grab something for Ted while he’s there.

“Yeah, I’ll take another glass. Thanks, babe,” he replies with barely more than a glance over at his partner.

In response, Riley leans over and kisses his cheek before leaving the table. Ted means to resume his conversation with Alayna when another voice speaks up.

“Ted, is it?”

It’s the man sitting next to Alayna who spoke. Ted can’t remember his name. Something boring though.

Ted turns his attention to him and puts a smile on his face, ready to turn his efforts to the new guest, “Yep, that’s me.”

“You’re, uh… you’re with Riley, is that his name?” he stutters, a calculating expression on his face.

Ah, Ted can see where this is going. He’s glad to note from his peripheral that Alex is still at the table, leaning in a bit closer towards their conversation.

“Yeah, Riley, yeah, we’re together. Not, uh, no labels, but,” he smirks, “we are intimate.” Ted allows his comment settle for just a moment before asking, “Why, you interested?”

The man sputters, “No! I’m just—uh, I was just wondering.”

Ted sits back in his seat and lets himself take in the other man. He looks to be at least a few years older than him. Definitely outside his normal social circle, but Ted’s not picky, “Ah, too bad.”

Riley returns with their drinks, taking a seat, and Ted returns his hand to the other man’s knee.

Dessert comes and goes, and the dancing begins. Ted allows Riley to pull him up for a few songs, but makes a point to sit down when the DJ plays a nice ballad.

Alex is still nearby, chatting with a few friends, so Riley gets restless and pleads Ted to dance some more. Ted refuses, claiming that he wants to buy another drink and enjoy it, but that Riley is more than welcome to dance without him if he would like. Ted says he’ll join him when he’s ready, and he makes his way over to the cash bar as Riley wanders towards the dance floor alone.

After grabbing his drink, Ted wanders over to Alex’s group. Time to sell it. He introduces himself to those he hadn’t met and plants himself next to Alex as they watch the party on the dance floor. Ted’s gaze sweeps the crowd, and, spotting his next target, he lets out a low whistle.

“Who knew Riley had so many hot friends?” Ted turns towards Alex, smirking, before returning his gaze to the group of three dancers that had caught his eye. Honestly, if he wasn’t working (if he wasn’t a professional, thank you very much), Ted might have tried to pursue one of them tonight. He’s not really lying about the amount of attractive people in attendance.

“Easy. You have a bit of a wandering eye, there, Ted,” Alex warns, leaning forward to interrupt the other man’s line of sight.

Ted shrugs, “Can’t just ignore when someone’s attractive.” He looks at Alex now, giving the other man his attention. His full attention. “You know, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Ted can easily see that Alex is uncomfortable (and angry and… sad?), so he tacks on a wink before downing the rest of his wine and making his way over to the party of three. His plan must work, because it’s not too long before Ted sees Alex pull Riley aside and off the dance floor. Soon enough, Ted’s phone vibrates with two new notifications: a text from Riley reading “thank you so much for everything! success!! you’re done for the night if you want. feel free to stay, leave, do whatever”, and a Venmo payment of $60.

A job well done.

To reward himself, Ted takes up Riley’s invitation to do whatever he wants and ends up going home with some woman. And by “home” he means upstairs to her hotel room. He stays the night, which he normally would never do, but he’s exhausted and knows he shouldn’t drive with alcohol in his system anyways. Plus he’s a bit of a sucker for cuddling, and this woman doesn't seem keen on keeping to herself. So he stays, and he leaves as soon as the sun wakes him up in the morning.


	2. The Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted has another gig, and it doesn't seem like it will run quite as smoothly as the first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's here

Ted’s next offer comes two weeks later. A woman named Sarah needs a nice guy to come to a family dinner just to get her parents and brother off her back about her relationship status. She’s slowly coming to terms with the fact that she is Not Straight, but she isn’t ready to dive into the dating pool or come out to her family yet since she knows they’re so protective (not to mention religious), so she just needs a little more time than they seem to be offering. Ted agrees to help her out, and the date is set for the following week.

When Ted enters Sarah’s parents’ house he contemplates the existence of a higher power and the possibility that he may have somehow pissed them off to the point that they decided to turn his life into an extended piece of situational irony. Because standing in the living room is that guy from the wedding. The one who sat at their table, next to the chick he had been flirting with. Who had been so concerned about his relationship status. Who he definitely flirted with. Who now appears to be Sarah’s brother. The brother of the woman he has “been dating for about a month” and is smitten with. The man whose name is apparently Bill.

Ted tries to not let recognition or shock show on his face, just in case he doesn’t remember, but he can clearly see that the other man recognizes him. Thankfully, he doesn’t make a scene in front of everyone, but when Sarah leaves to use the restroom and their parents rush back into the kitchen to finish dinner prep, the two men are left alone.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Excuse me?” His concern may be valid, but Ted feels the need to defend his fake relationship. He tones down his normal snark,“Is there a problem?”

How is he supposed to navigate the issue that is the complete shift in his personality and lifestyle since the wedding? Why did he agree to be both an asshole and a nice guy within a month of each other? How does _Clivesdale_ still have too small of a population to successfully pull this job off? What did he do in life to deserve this? These are just a few of the questions that fly through Ted’s head as the dreaded conversation begins.

“You were at Jenna and Martin’s wedding a few weeks ago. You came with some man, right?” Bill questions him.

Keep it chill, Ted, you need him to like you. “Yeah, that was me. Do you have a problem with that?”

They keep their volume low, not wanting to cause drama so soon into the evening, but both fully aware of the necessity of this conversation.

“You were with that guy! But now you’re suddenly dating Sarah? I’m not buying this. I need answers.”

Ted’s brain is working overtime, trying to find a way to spin this. A few weeks can be about a month, right? They never specified a day. Wow, he _really_ doesn’t wanna out himself, let alone Sarah! And then a thought occurs to him.

“Oh, I see. You’ve got a problem with the fact that I’m bi.” Ted almost feels bad for creating this drama; Bill seems horrified at the suggestion of his intolerance. At least that’s one point towards the family being queer-friendly.

“What? No, that’s—no-”

“Newsflash, asshole, I be with whoever I wanna be with. Also, your sister is a grown woman; she can make her own decisions about her dating life.”

“Of course she can! It’s not _that_ ,” Bill stammers out before hissing at the other man, “it’s that you’re a cheater!”

“Excuse me?” Ted hisses back.

Bill seems to struggle to find the best way to answer.

“I saw you, at the wedding. You were flirting with other people all night.”

C’mon, Ted, all right. How do you fix this? Think fast.

“I said we weren’t labeling it, didn’t I? Dude, Riley and I were in a sort of open relationship.” Not quite a lie, but not the truth by any stretch of the imagination.

“Didn’t look like it,” Bill was firm in his resolve, “Looked really one-sided to me.”

“And that’s why we broke up literally _at the wedding_. Thanks for reminding me of that, by the way.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Ted notes the change in atmosphere and takes a seat on the couch. “I’m all good though, now. Sarah’s… the _best_ ,” Ted allows a smile to play at the corners of his lips, not quite letting it shine all the way through just yet. “She’s the greatest, actually,” he lets the smile come out. “And I’m actually happy now. Happier than I’ve been in a long while.”

Bill takes a seat in the armchair across from him, “Hey, I’m sorry if I offended you earlier. Sarah’s my little sister, and I just want the best for her, so when I recognized you I got scared. I’m sure you’re really a great guy.”

No, you definitely _should_ be scared. Ted doesn’t understand how he was able to pull that out of his ass. He acted like _such_ a douchebag at the wedding. He’s too good at his job.

“I get it. When you met me I wasn’t exactly in the best spot mentally or emotionally, and my relationship was obviously going downhill, so I guess we just got off on the wrong foot,” Ted genuinely smiles at the man across from him. “Also, sorry for calling you an asshole. Fresh start?”

“Hi, I’m Bill Fisher,” his hand extends towards Ted over the coffee table between them.

“Ted Richards. Nice to meet you.”

They shake hands and relax back into their positions just as Sarah returns to the living room. Ted isn’t sure why, but he’s decided he likes this Bill guy.

As soon as her brother leaves to check on the dinner prep Ted immediately fills Sarah in on their close-call. He warns her that after witnessing his behavior at the wedding a lesser man than Bill would’ve immediately kicked him out and not given him a chance to try to explain.

They decide to take this information and run with it; they tie it into their story. Over the course of the evening Ted pokes fun at Sarah for not understanding that he was into her earlier, and she pokes fun at him for flirting with literally everyone, so how was she supposed to know if he actually liked her? Ted would duck his head in faux embarrassment at being called out for his proclivity to be overly-flirtatious (although, let’s be clear here. Ted himself would never see that as a fault. He has a gift, thank you very much. His social skills are off the charts, and he will never be ashamed about how big of a flirt he is. This Ted on the other hand, the nice guy, could never even think about looking at another person the way he looks at Sarah).

Aside from their rough start, the evening is able to go perfectly wonderfully, and Ted enjoys himself much more than he had expected to on one of these dates.

But, looking back, Ted can’t help but feel a bit bad for Bill. He had put on a strong, protective older brother facade the minute he saw danger in the form of Ted, but then the moment Ted brought out the sob story of being dumped, Bill dropped everything and immediately seemed to trust him. He’s too naive. That was a _total_ cop out. If he’s gonna be protective, he needs to try harder to actually fight for his sister. It became abundantly clear how out of character Bill’s confrontation was and fast.

But, hey, it worked in Ted’s favor. He got to act as a wonderful, caring boyfriend to Sarah, regardless of if he had been a total flirt less than a month ago. And he did a wonderful job, if Ted himself has anything to say about it. Mr. and Mrs. Fisher seemed to love him, and Bill definitely warmed up to him as the evening went on, so Sarah and Ted declare the evening a success.


	3. The Barista

Roughly two months pass, and Ted’s ad has gotten more replies than he had honestly expected. Not that he’s going to complain. They keep him busy and give him money to actually eat real food instead of the ridiculous college student-level cuisine you can find in the cabinets of his apartment.

But fake dating gigs can only get you so far in life, and Ted once again regrettably wakes up at 6am for his way too early morning shift at another one of his jobs. He rolls out of bed and is out the door by 6:30.

Somehow time moves slower during the morning shift, but that does nothing to clear Ted’s fatigue. He needs a real fucking job. Working part time at Target, bartending at Mickey’s when/ _if_ someone calls off, and going on random and irregular dates is such a hassle. It’s exhausting.

One good thing (if you could even call it that) about working the early shift is that Ted’s already out and about, so after work he has no excuse to not walk into some businesses and see if they’re hiring. Knowing this, he changes out of his work uniform and begrudgingly heads to Beanies to grab fuel before he has to go sell himself to whatever companies may or may not be hiring.

Yes, Ted _is_ aware that there’s a Starbucks in Target, thank you very much. It’s just that his budget isn’t very loose, and Starbucks is just a hint too far out of his price range, and, while he tries to penny-pinch, he somehow sucks at making home-brew. He needs to get his caffeine fix somehow, and Beanies falls safely in his budget, so fuck you. And okay, _maybe_ there’s a hot barista there who regularly works the lunch shift, but that’s just a bonus.

Ted throws on a charming smile and greets the barista, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Hey there, Ted. Right on time,” the woman flashes a smile at him. “The usual, I presume?” She asks as she pulls out a cup and prepares to jot down his order.

“You know it, sweetheart,” he shoots back, pulling out cash to pay for his drink.

The best part of his post-morning shift Beanies run is it works out so that he gets there right at the tail end of the lunch rush, making the coffee shop mostly empty, and, more often than not, meaning there’s no one to hold up in line if Ted decides to flirt with the barista. Ted notes the lack of people queueing behind him.

As she gets started making his drink, Ted points towards the tip jar and the “Tip for a Song” sign.

“Now, do you do requests if I leave a big enough tip, or is that something I just have to wait to hear till you’re off work?”

“Well, I’m not gonna say no to a large tip,” she laughs. “We have a list of cheesy, management-approved songs if you wanna pick one of those, but somehow I doubt they’re what you have in mind.”

Ted should really try to figure out her name. At this point she obviously knows his, so it’d probably destroy any shred of a chance he may have if he admitted to not remembering hers.

“You’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?” Ted asks, leaning against the counter, closer to her. The distant chime of the door opening registers in his mind, cueing him to wrap it up.

She smiles at him and hands over his drink instead of answering, “Here you go. One iced chai latte.”

“Any chance I could get your number on that cup?”

“Depends, how big of a tip are you leaving?”

Ted smirks in response, depositing his change into the jar and preparing to take his leave, “Well, thanks for the latte… hottay.”

“Ted?”

The wink Ted just sent the barista slowly melts off his face. Oh God. Not again. It’s official. Someone is out to get him. There’s no way his life is real. How the fuck has he run into this guy again?

Ted turns around, “Bill. Good to see you. What are you doing across the Nantucket?”

“I actually live over here. Ted, can I talk to you for a second?”

Fuck.

“Uh, sure.”

Bill turns to the girl he had come in with, his daughter? “Go ahead, and order whatever you want. I’ll join you in a moment.”

The two men move over to one of the empty tables away from the few customers in the coffee shop and sit down.

“Look. I’m not gonna beat around the bush. You were obviously flirting with the barista back there. Now, I don’t care who you think you’re fooling. I’m not gonna let you tow Sarah along and break her heart.”

Ted supposes he should have extended the distance between his jobs and his real life a bit further than across the bridge, or at least been more careful. He’s never been one to think about his actions, and he’s not about to start now. But he’s still gonna be annoyed that it came back to bite him in the ass.

“I’m just gonna stop you right there. Have you talked to Sarah recently?”

“Just the other day. I asked about you, and she said you were doing well and that you two were still going strong. But now I walk in on you chatting up that woman? I’m sorry, but I can’t help thinking back to your behavior at the wedding, and how increasingly uncomfortable I’m becoming at the thought of you dating my sister.”

God, Bill lives here. He lives in Hatchetfield. There’s no way he can keep this up for Sarah. She’s nice and all, but he’s got a life, and this isn’t worth the one-time payment of $30.

Ted sighs, “All right, dude, if you have a problem with our relationship, that’s something you have to talk to Sarah about, not me. I hold _zero_ stake in your comfortability. She might hold _some_. Frankly, if I didn’t think you were a nice guy I wouldn’t have even sat down with you. Talk to your sister or stay out of our relationship.”

And with that, Ted stands and exits the coffee shop.

Fuck. Not only did Ted just put Sarah in a tough spot, but he also got cockblocked from getting with that barista. By Bill of all people. Of course.

Ted takes out his phone and shoots a warning text to Sarah. He tells her he’s sorry, but since her brother lives in Hatchetfield he can’t keep this up. Obviously he’s not pressuring her to come out to him, but Bill at least didn’t seem too put off by Ted’s bisexuality, so maybe there’s something there. Tell him the truth, or tell him they broke up, or tell him she will break up with him, or whatever. It just has to end.

Sarah’s response is understanding, and she says they’ll talk tonight and that she’s sorry for the sudden run-in. Ted tells her not to apologize and ends the conversation. He heads back to his apartment, no longer in the mood (had he ever been?) to continue his job search in person.

Ted tries to go about his day normally, but the thought of Bill keeps returning.

It’ll be fine, he scolds his brain. Sarah will talk to Bill, and that’ll be it. He’ll stop interrupting your life, he’ll stop going all protective older brother on you, he’ll stop looking at you with anger and hurt in his eyes, and you won’t have to deal with him again.

He wonders what Sarah will say. Will she listen to Bill’s story and act heartbroken to know that her boyfriend of nearly three months is a cheater (or almost cheater, for all Bill knew)? Or will she tell him the truth that Ted was just helping her out? How much would she say? Would she tell him the wedding was a gig too?

Ted’s not sure why he cares so much about Bill’s opinion of him. Maybe it’s just because he seems to feel really deeply and care almost too much. He’s been on the wrong side of that twice now, and he couldn’t help but think about how much that means he loves Sarah, or his daughter (was that his daughter? Ted can’t remember if she had been brought up at the dinner), or assumedly his wife (did he have a wife? there wasn’t anyone with him at the dinner, which, now that Ted thinks about it, is quite the double standard since Sarah felt so compelled to bring someone). He forces himself to stop thinking about Bill’s emotions. Too mushy, Ted, you’re sounding like a romantic.

He decides to be at least semi-productive and work on his online job applications. He really fucking hates writing cover letters (pretending like he actually gives a shit about the company’s mission? fucking stupid), but he hates working at Target more, so Ted considers it a necessary evil. The thought of Sarah’s imminent conversation with Bill continues to linger in the back of his mind.

That evening, after actually kind of being productive for once, Ted checks his phone to see two texts from Sarah.

“Thanks again. Told him everything, so you should be good now. Sorry, should’ve let you know we were still “dating”. I honestly didn’t put together that you both live in Hatchetfield”

“P.S. Bill says he’s really sorry about this afternoon. He was so embarrassed, but he says thank you for continuing to play along  ❤️ ”

Ted stares at the emoji for a good minute. Was that something Bill wanted to send him? Surely not, right? What kind of person asks someone to add an emoji while passing on a message? Then again, Ted has nothing to compare it to; he barely knows Bill. Who was he kidding? It has to be something Sarah just tacked on to the message. Why was he even thinking about this? This is stupid.

Ted throws his phone onto the couch as he gets up. He needs to not think about that anymore.


	4. The Interview

Ted’s a bit turned off from any dinner date jobs after his run-in with Bill. A few people ask for his help, but none really seem worth it. He’s doing fine on cash at the moment. Mickey’s is down an employee due to illness, so Ted’s been able to pick up a few extra shifts as they shuffle jobs around, so he can afford to just Not. For now, at least. He doesn’t have much free time in the evenings anyways since he’s working so often, so ha! There’s a perfectly logical reason for him not accepting gigs, and that’s totally the only reason, and fuck you for thinking there’s something deeper that Ted’s not letting himself explore.

He works a few nights a week, gets up early for his morning shifts, and crashes in the late afternoon. At this point he’s almost become nocturnal, which may not the best thing when it comes to his job hunt. He’s not sure companies enjoy receiving resumes at 4am, but Ted’s also not sure if he cares. (He probably should. Maybe that’s why no one wants to hire him…. Eh, fuck it.)

He must’ve done something right though, because he checks his phone after he gets home from work one afternoon to find an email from someone named Melissa at CCRP Technical. He has an interview scheduled for the next morning.

It’s not the best job he applied for, but it’s better than the radio silence he’s been receiving for months from every other company he’s sent his stuff off to. He can’t say he’s crazy about the prospect of working in an office-setting again, but he’ll take what he can get.

He’s never been happier for having a full 30 hours off work than when he wakes up the next morning refreshed for once. He puts on the professional attire he’s barely touched since he was laid off from his job last year. Despite everything about his entire personality, he needs to at least look like he cares, because he actually really needs this job.

Ted extends his thanks to Melissa with a wink as he passes her desk on his way out of his interview. It hadn’t gone terribly. So, yeah, Davidson’s a bit of a fucking weirdo, but he seemed to like Ted, and that’s all that matters. Ted is on his way out the door when he sees a figure walking in the same direction. He glances over and can’t help but roll his eyes fondly when they land on none other than, you guessed it, Bill Fisher walking down the hall. He really shouldn’t be surprised at this point.

Ted calls out to him, needing to share in the absurdity of the situation, “Bill!”

The man spins around, eyes widening when he recognizes the other man, “Ted? What are you doing here?”

Ted is unable to hold down a laugh, “Interview for the DevOp position. Let me guess: you work here?”

“Yeah, actually, I’m a tech analyst.”

“Seems we can’t get away from each other.”

“Seems like it,” Bill agrees. “Hey, I was about to go on a coffee break, wanna join me? I’d love to talk to you for a bit. My treat.”

Normally you’d probably be a bit wary if a guy you’ve met a total of three times before, who has chewed you out during two of those interactions, invites you to grab coffee one-on-one, but for whatever reason Ted doesn’t even think of refusing. In fact, he accepts before he can even process what he’s agreeing to. But, hey, free coffee.

The walk out of the building is awkward. The walk down the block is awkward. Standing in line at Beanies is awkward. Even ordering is awkward.

The Latte Hottay is working again, as she always is at this time. She glances between the two, no doubt recognizing Bill from their awkward run-in last week. She doesn’t say anything, though, and neither does Ted. He just shoots her a wink when she hands over his latte before heading over to a table to sit with Bill. See? Ted can be normal. This is a normal thing they’re doing. Someone has to balance out the absolute _nothing_ he’s getting out of Bill.

“Okay, so, uh…,” Bill starts, rubbing his pals on his pants as if trying to get rid of sweat.

Is he nervous? Why is Bill nervous? What news is he about to drop during this conversation? What has Ted gotten himself into? Ted is suddenly very outside his comfort zone. He does not handle people well if they don’t have a grip on their emotions.

Bill continues, “I just wanted to apologize. In person. And thank you as well. I didn’t mean to offend you or stress you out or anything. I’m not normally one for confrontation, so that was all pretty new to me, and I feel absolutely terrible knowing that, after being generous enough to do Sarah a favor a few months ago, you were just out trying to live your life until I came along.”

Ted tries to fight the urge to roll his eyes. This guy is way too nice that it’s nearing ridiculous, “Dude, you didn’t know. You could’ve beaten the shit out of me, and it would’ve been valid. Not sure I would’ve accepted the coffee, but that’s nothing I could hold against you. And it was hardly a favor. I did get paid to do it, remember?”

“Still, you’re a good guy, Ted. Not many people would’ve kept the story going, and I appreciate that. I know _Sarah_ appreciates that. Thank you for giving her the chance to tell me herself.”

‘I kept the story going for _maybe_ five minutes before I told her she had to call it all off, but okay then,’ Ted can’t help but think.

“Hey, I may be able to act like it, but I’m not a complete douchebag. I know how it feels to be outed to your family in an unsafe environment. I wasn’t about to put her through that, even if you do seem like a decent guy. Not a chance. It’s just common decency,” he shrugs.

Bill’s eyes soften with what looks like pity, and Ted decides he needs to backpedal quickly because he somehow already unloaded more fucking emotional baggage in less than ten seconds than he planned on telling anyone in his life ever. And to Bill of all people.

“I may be an asshole, but I’m not a dick,” Ted tacks on, taking a sip from his drink.

Bill’s eyes squint as he tilts his head, “You probably shouldn’t admit that you’re an asshole to an employee immediately after a job interview. I could go tell Davidson right now, and your resume would go right in the trash.”

Ted rolls his eyes, “Well, from the little I know about you, Bill, I’m fairly certain you’ve never said a harsh word about anyone in your life.”

“And from what I know about you, Ted, you’re hardly the asshole you call yourself.”

The two men look at each other for a moment.

What does that mean? Why is his heart pounding? Was Bill flirting or is he just that nice of a person? Fuck, wait, _was_ he flirting? Had _Ted_ been flirting? How did this even happen? How long have they been sitting there? How long have they been staring at each other?

Ted clears his throat, forcing himself back to reality, “So, yeah. No hard feelings. With this drink,” Ted raises his cup, “we’re even.” He stands. “Anyways, I should probably get going,” Ted has no need to ‘get going’ as he has zero plans for the rest of the day, “Great running into you though.”

Bill stands to join the other man, offering his hand in parting, “Hope to see you around then? Maybe even around the office?”

Ted’s stomach flutters at Bill’s words, but he ignores it in favor of shaking his hand, “If I’m lucky.”

It’s not until Ted’s safely back in his apartment and collapsed onto his couch that he lets his mind return to their conversation.

What had made him so nervous when they were saying goodbye? Could be anxiety about the possibility of a job offer. Dread for Davidson’s inevitable rejection. Or the thought of working in an office again. The thought of working with Bill. Of seeing him regularly instead of through unexpected run-ins. Getting coffee with him again.

Whether those thoughts register as positive or negative possibilities, Ted can’t be sure.

He declares that his unease was strictly due to the fact that he hasn’t eaten since breakfast and refuses to think any further on the subject as he prepares lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't come for me in the comments if those job titles don't make sense for them i literally know nothing about their field asgdflk


	5. The Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted gets a job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short, it flows better cut like this

Ted gets the job.

It’s not too terrible working at CCRP. His job isn’t the worst thing he’s had to do (he’s worked in _retail_ for the past 8 months, he can handle much worse), and the people aren’t that bad. The fact that Bill knows him gives Ted a bit of an in with some of his coworkers, and that makes his transition a bit less horrible. He’s not sure they like him very much, but Ted doesn’t really care. He eats lunch with them some days, and they stop by each others’ cubicles when they need to walk away from work for a moment. They deal with Ted’s double entendres, and he deals with their boring-ass stories about their families and cats and shit.

Working with Bill is strange. The dynamic him and Ted have just doesn’t match up with how Ted presents himself at the office. When they run into each other outside of work, because _of course_ they run into each other outside of work, Ted pays attention to Bill, he listens to what he says, he’s not (much of) an asshole. Bill doesn’t change. He’s still sweet, he’s still attentive, he’s still positive. Outside of work they’re compatible; it’s less of a shock for people to learn that they’re friends. But then at the office Ted is snarky, and annoying, and smacks his gum too loudly. It’s hard to believe the two could be associated with one another. Ted has a reputation and hits on anything that can walk. Except for Bill.

Ted doesn’t really mess with Bill. It just feels… wrong? Like that’s a line he can’t cross. Maybe it’s because of Ted’s “relationship” with Bill’s sister. But Ted can’t say something as stupid as a past relationship has stopped him before, even if it had been real. And he can’t say it’s because he recently found out about Bill’s divorce, because that _definitely_ hasn’t stopped him before. Whatever the reason, Ted just doesn’t flirt with him. He has plenty of other victims he can choose from that don’t make him feel all jumbled inside. He leaves Bill alone.

Ted likes messing with an analyst named Paul Matthews the most (who also happens to be Bill’s best friend) mostly because he’s just so _boring._ He also has the unfortunate genetic quality of blushing vividly at pretty much everything, whether he cares or not, which Ted finds such delight in taking advantage of. And for whatever reason he still lets Ted hang around.

Paul stops by Ted’s cubicle one day around mid-morning, “Hey, I’m making a Beanies run; d’you wanna come?”

Ted lets out a whistle as he spins around in his chair, “Wow, a coffee date with _The_ Paul Matthews? I’m flattered, truly. I knew you couldn’t resist my charm much longer.”

“I’m gonna take that as a no.”

Paul’s nearly down the hall by the time Ted calls after him, “I’ll take a chai iced tea, hot stuff!”

Those in neighboring cubicles shoot Ted a few annoyed looks, but he just flips them off before returning to his computer. Okay, so _maybe_ he’s not trying as hard to be liked as he should be, but fuck you, who gives a shit? They’re all boring as hell anyways.

When Paul returns he actually brings Ted a drink, which is so much more than he was expecting from the man. Not that he tells him that.

Ted’s grabbing his order from Paul when he notices a piece of additional writing on the side of his cup.

Oh, that’s gold.

“Paul, babe, that’s adorable, but I already have your number.”

Paul’s gaze quickly darts between the cup in Ted’s hand and the shit-eating grin on the other man’s face.

He turns bright red, “Oh! Um. Can I—? Uh… never mind.”

Paul speed walks away from Ted as the latter cackles at the mixup and the _horrified_ look on the other man’s face when he realized.

Later that day Ted stops by Paul’s cubicle with a wink and a freshly rinsed to-go cup, black Sharpie stark against the clear plastic.

Paul tells him later that the number belongs to Emma, who Ted identifies as the new barista who always seems to be on the verge of yelling and never wants to sing (not even when Ted tips her _more than a dollar!_ ). But this is no news to Ted. He’d texted the number before he’d even given it to Paul.


	6. The Favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you uh happen to glance at the tags you may notice a shift in the direction of this fic than had been previously notated/planned

Ted eventually stops kidding himself. Two months into working at CCRP. Two months into working with Bill. Two months into seeing him every day. Two months in denial.

He’s in deep. He can’t ignore it anymore. And if he’s honest with himself, he’s known for a while; he’s just a fucking coward. And Bill obviously has eyes for Paul. Poor guy. Ted wonders what that’s like. Paul’s currently going out with that Emma chick (who _refused_ to give Ted his favorite barista’s contact, by the way, and then blocked his number because of it! Fucking asshole).

At least, for Ted’s sake, Bill’s just pining, not actually dating someone else. Yeah, he passes it off as being Paul’s best friend, and maybe it started that way, but more and more recently Ted has begun to think otherwise. Anytime Ted messes with Paul, or says something suggestive, or winks at him, or flirts with him, or whatever, Bill just glares at him. No, Ted wouldn’t call it a glare; more like a stare. Bill just stares at him. And Ted ignores it because he’s a good friend who doesn’t wanna call Bill out on his obvious crush or his nearly-tangible jealousy, because he probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. Because then Ted would have to hear Bill confirm it. Because then he’d open himself up to being someone Bill can talk to about Paul. And that’s not something Ted thinks he would be able to handle. On multiple occasions he’s walked into the break room only to be met with the sight of the pair talking quietly, sitting close, looking fondly at each other. Every time, the look on Bill’s face is a punch to the gut. And, more often than not, he walks right back out the door, deciding a coffee refill isn’t actually that important right now after all.

Being honest with himself only makes everything hurt worse.

And it just continues to get worse. Because one day Bill stops him on his way out of the office.

Ted has been in a bad mood all day. Ever since he overheard Bill praising Paul for how great he gets along with his daughter. Ever since he saw them from across the office on his way to the copier, both chairs crammed inside Bill’s cubicle, Paul’s hand on Bill’s shoulder, comforting him or reassuring him or whatever about something or other. He wouldn’t know. Bill never came to him about his issues. But he saw him with Paul nearly every day. Then again, when had Ted ever shown Bill that he cares about him? What reason had he given the other man to trust him? To treat him as a confidant, a member of his support system? Kept him at an awkward distance all because his fucking emotions had to veto his normal brand of social interaction?

He’d snapped at Paul today, and the man hadn’t even done anything wrong, Ted’s just a jealous bitch who has no control over his emotions anymore, apparently. It’s been a long week, and all Ted wants to do is go home, get drunk, and forget about Bill.

But he can’t not come when he calls.

“Hey, Ted?”

He hates how quickly he stops at the sound of the other man calling his name. “What’s up?” Fuck, he’s so whipped, and Bill doesn’t even know it.

“I, um… Well, I have a favor to ask. If you’re up for it, that is. No pressure, of course, I wouldn’t expect you to be able to help, that would be ridiculous of me, but if you would at least consider—”

“Bill.”

“Right. Sorry, Ted.” He takes a moment to collect himself. “A group of people from undergrad and I are getting together next weekend for a small friend reunion thing. And normally that’d sound great, and it did! At first. But then I realized Mandy was invited, and I know for certain she’s planning on being there. And we didn’t end it too terribly, you know, we still talk when it comes to Alice, but seeing her always makes me freeze up a bit, and if I’m around the same people I hung out with when we first got together, I’m afraid my brain might get confused and… I’m just not sure that’s a good idea. I was looking forward to having a good time with them. I haven’t seen the majority of these people in _years_. And so I thought, maybe having someone there with me would be a good idea. Someone to ground me a bit, remind me of my present while I’m surrounded by my past?”

Ted’s a bit taken aback by the amount Bill had just unloaded onto him at once. Get it together, Ted, you were just asking for him to confide in you, and now you wanna run off scared after he does just that?

Ted shoves a playful look on his face, “I’m guessing Paul’s busy then, huh?” Bill blushes, and Ted tries to look like that didn’t hurt to watch. “What day is this?”

“Friday. We’re going to the Bistro for dinner and drinks.”

“I’ll be there. I am, as you know, a professional in this line of work, and I can’t turn down a friend during their time of need. What are we thinking: boyfriend, fiancé?”

This was gonna hurt.

“Oh! Uh, I don’t know. I didn’t think of that. I haven’t mentioned seeing anyone to Alice, and that’s probably something she’d bring up to her mom, so I don’t want it to become an issue.”

“Hmm, I see. What if it’s a fairly new relationship? Not something worth mentioning to Alice yet, but still meaningful. That way we don’t have to put on much of a show about how blissfully in love we are or get caught in a lie. A slow, serious partnership.”

Why was he doing this to himself?

Bill nods semi-frantically, “Yeah, sounds great. Thank you, Ted, really.”

“Hey, I don’t mind. And guess what? This one’s on the house. Friends and family discount.”


	7. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fake date time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm so sorry it's been so long, life has been wild, and you're all the best for being so patient

Ted spends the rest of the weekend berating himself. Why couldn’t he say no? He could’ve easily told Bill he has plans for Friday, and there’d be no harm done. Why had he even posted that fucking ad in the first place? Yeah, it gave him groceries for a few months, but was all this trouble worth it? Without the ad Bill wouldn’t have asked him for this favor. There’s no fucking way he’ll be able to get through that evening without torturing himself; getting a glimpse of what he wants for only a few hours, wishing their make believe was real.

But maybe that’s what he needs. Maybe it’ll put everything in perspective; he’ll go out with Bill’s friends and realize being with him isn’t really what he wants. He just thought it was. He just liked the idea of being with Bill, not necessarily the man himself. Maybe this’ll help Ted get over him.

But for the time being he, stupidly, lets himself imagine what it might be like. Being able to look into Bill’s soft eyes for as long as he wants, seeing them light up, and the joy that radiates from him as he talks about his daughter or the last movie he saw or the dog he adopted a few months ago.

Ted falls asleep that night simultaneously dreading the evening and wishing it would come sooner.

The next week at work Bill gets Ted a chai iced tea from Beanies every day. Ted can only assume it’s because he feels guilty not paying for his gig, although if you ask Ted it’s a bit presumptuous that he’ll do a good enough job to warrant five free lattes (actually, first he’d say it’s really cute and that he has to fight to not let his blush show when he walks into work on Monday to see a to-go cup sitting on his desk, a Post-it note stuck beside it that reads “:) -Bill,” because he can’t let something like  _ that _ ruin the reputation he’s worked so hard to craft for his coworkers, but then after that, yeah, he’d say it’s presumptuous).

They don’t talk about their plans at the office, but Ted gets texts from Bill throughout the work week: most checking in to make sure Ted’s still down for Friday, some “thank you”s, and a couple of smiley faces.

Late Thursday evening Ted receives one last “you sure you’re free tomorrow?” text from Bill and assures him he is.

“How are you feeling? Ready to see them all again?”

“I can’t wait! Barely even bothered by the idea of Mandy being there since I know you will be.”

“Nice”

Ted presses send, but he finds he doesn’t want the conversation to end. Something spurs him to keep texting.

“So is the plan to go straight after work or…?”

“Yeah. I figured we’d carpool to dinner? I’m also fine with picking you up in the morning and dropping you home after it’s over if that’s easiest.”

Something about Bill coming to Ted’s apartment (even if it’s just the parking lot) makes his heart rate speed up. Also Ted’s car is still a piece of shit, and he really shouldn’t trust it even half as far as he can throw it. He tells Bill that’s a good plan.

They end up continuing conversation throughout the night, Ted giving Bill his address and scheduling their next day.

Bill sends one last “Good night. Thank you again :)” text. Ted, in his tired state, responds “anything for you”. He doesn’t realize what he just said until after the message has been delivered. Suddenly he’s wide awake again.

Ted stares at the screen for a few minutes, heart pounding, waiting for “Delivered” to turn to “Read”, but it doesn’t. Ted mentally kicks himself, knowing he’ll just have to wait. Nothing can be done, what’s been said has been said. Maybe he should throw in a wink, pretend it was a line? Or would that look suspicious? It’s only been 5 minutes since he sent the first text, that’s not too bad, right? … Nope, that would probably just make it worse. Then Bill will know he reread it and felt the need to clarify. He leaves it alone, hoping Bill doesn’t realize how out of character the message is.

Ted wakes up the next morning to see that Bill had both read the text and sent another. He runs his hand over his face before opening the chat, stealing himself for whatever’s to come.

“See you at 8:20?”

Ted lets out a sigh. Thank Christ he didn’t mention it.

Ted clambers into Bill’s car and is immediately presented with an iced chai latte. No surprise there. Ted hides his smile with an exaggerated eye roll, shoving his bag at his feet before taking the drink from the other man.

“Bill, you really don’t have to do this, you’re already saving me gas money for a whole day  _ and _ paying for my dinner tonight,” Ted chastises the man as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“It’s the least I can do, Ted, seriously. I—”

“If you thank me one more time, I’m backing out. You’ll be all alone without my dashing personality to keep you company.”

“Okay, fine,” Bill’s looking at the road like a responsible driver so he doesn’t see Ted’s smirk, but Ted can see the other man’s exasperated smile, and it warms his heart. He suddenly wants to make Bill smile like that all the time. Bug him and tease him until he stops Ted with a kiss...

Okay, so maybe spending more one-on-one time with Bill  _ won’t _ help him get over this— God, “crush” sounds like he’s a fucking middle schooler. His feelings? Whatever  _ this _ is that’s ruining Ted’s life. He’s in for a ride.

  
  


There’s a palpable shift in energy, both that of the room and emanating from Bill himself, when they walk into the restaurant. Bill goes tense for a moment when his eyes land on their table, about half of the seats currently occupied. Ted grabs his hand and squeezes it, prompting Bill to look down at the connection and back up to Ted’s face.

Ted smiles softly at him, “I’m here. Let’s do this thing.”

Bill lets out a breath, and they make their way over to the group.

Ted allows Bill a moment with each of his friends and extends his own hand to them in greeting as Bill moves around the table.

There are a few additional significant others present, so Ted doesn’t feel quite so out of place among the group of good friends. As they take their seats at the table a man who introduces himself to Ted as Leslie elbows Bill playfully, chastising him for not giving them a relationship update sooner. Bill smiles sheepishly as his and Ted’s eyes meet and share a grin before shifting his gaze to those gathered around the table.

“Yeah, well. We’re still figuring this out for ourselves honestly.”

“But I think it’s a good thing we have here,” Ted bumps his shoulder against his “partner”’s, leaning into his personal space and smiling fondly at him.

Bill turns his head and looks at Ted for a moment. His soft eyes warm Ted from the inside. Bill tenderly agrees.

“Definitely a good thing.”

Ted can’t help but kiss Bill’s cheek as he retreats from the latter’s space. And Bill turns away as a smile grows on his face.

He was right there, what was Ted supposed to do? Not kiss him? Ridiculous. He could’ve just been playing the part, you don’t know that he did it just ‘cause he wanted to; fuck you, he’s a good actor.

Mandy is next to arrive. It’s tense at first, as everyone at the table is clearly aware of what has transpired since their last congregation. But she and Bill simply nod and smile at each other, and a wave of relief rushes around the table. Ted finds the other man’s hand and squeezes it. He’s here for him. Bill returns the action, but doesn’t let go. Ted can barely conceal the frankly ridiculous smile that appears in response.

It’s strange pretending to date Bill. It’s strange, because it feels almost natural. Ted exists in a dream-like state throughout the evening, allowing himself to enjoy every moment of their time as a couple. If he thinks about it for even a moment, he would remember that it’s all fake and that this is the closest he’ll ever get. And he knows that would spoil the evening. Ted’s not  _ actually _ that good of an actor. Not good enough to hide that. He can’t really do much to cover up the heart wrenching thoughts regarding his current reality and relationship with Bill.

So he lets himself pretend. And honestly? If this one evening is all he gets? He might be just fine.

  
  


When it’s time to take their leave, Bill drives Ted back to his place. Despite his anxiety regarding the subject 24-hours earlier, and though he has no real reason to, Ted invites Bill up. They’re friends, right? And that’s what friends do. They go over to each other’s places, chat, have a drink, bond. Just because Bill and Ted have never done it before, doesn't mean it’s not a thing! And because it really is totally a normal friend thing to do, Bill accepts.

Ted grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen as Bill takes a look around. Not that there’s much to see. Ted’s apartment is small. Okay, it’s pretty shitty. But it has some charm to it. By the time Ted returns to the living room, Bill is looking at the photo frame that normally sits on the coffee table.

“Who’s this?” Bill asks, gesturing to the picture as if it isn’t the only one Ted owns.

“Ah, my sister, Maria. That’s her with her fiancé. They’re getting married in a few months. That’s from when they asked me to be a part of the wedding party.” Ted has no reason to hide his pleasure at being asked to participate in the wedding, so he doesn’t. He smiles as he looks at his sister.

Bill glances at Ted before turning his attention back at the photo, “She looks like you.”

“Hmm,” Ted agrees as he sets his armload onto the table.

Bill returns the frame to its spot before setting his sights on the books stacked next to it on the table.

“Astronomy?”

Ted’s suddenly caught off guard as Bill picks up the top book of the stack.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I like space,” he says casually, “And against popular belief I can actually read. In fact, I do it for fun on occasion.”

“I can’t believe I never knew these things about you, about your life.”

“I’m a man of many secrets, Bill. Only the worthy may learn of my guilty pleasures.” Ted hands the other a glass of wine before taking a seat on his couch. “Bet you’re grateful Paul had plans this evening. Can you imagine missing out on all this top secret information?” He throws a wink in Bill’s direction while the latter joins him on the couch.

They’re silent for a moment as they drink. Then Bill speaks up, setting his glass on the table in front of them.

“Hey, Ted?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Is it just gonna be another thank you?”

Bill cracks a smile, “No, it’s not another thank you.”

“Then go for it. I’m all ears.”

Bill takes a breath, “The truth is I didn’t even ask Paul. About tonight, to come with me. Yeah, he’s my best friend, but when I thought about bringing someone, it was always you. And I know you think it’s ‘cause you used to pick up jobs like these, but, in all honesty, it was because of Sarah. It’s because she told me how nice it was to have someone who she could be honest with and rely on, even if just for one evening. Someone who would change the subject easily if she needed them to or someone who she knew would go above and beyond what was asked of them. Regardless of the fact that they were being paid. And that’s when I thought that company might help. And my mind never left you. Not for a second. And I know that’s ridiculous, and it’s a lot, but… I really trust you, Ted.”

Bill's words hang in the air as Ted processes.

“I, uh, I don’t know what to say, Bill.” Ted’s breathing sped up at some point during their conversation, and Ted can hear his heart pounding in his ears. Oh, God, what does that mean, Bill? “I, uh,” Ted clears his throat, “I’ll be honest. I just assumed I was your last choice. But, um… That’s really sweet. I didn’t know Sarah got so much out of me being there. Honestly, it was a bit of a douche move on my part, making her break us up; I assumed she kind of resented me after that. I wouldn't blame her. I'm not exactly a good person.”

Bill smiles and shakes his head at him, and Ted can’t stop his heart from appreciating that action.

“Ted, I’ve seen you act like an asshole more than I’d like. The real you, the genuine you, the you that covers for people you helped out once even though you have no remaining obligation to do so, who agrees to give up your evening to help out a lonely divorcee that just needs support? You’re a great guy, Ted.”

Ted has to look away as his face continues to grow warmer and warmer. He tries to steady his breathing.

“And I have another confession to make.” Ted looks over at the other man to find him gazing vaguely into the space in front of him. Where’s all this coming from? Ted’s not sure he can handle much more. Bill continues, “When I asked you to come with me this evening, I wasn’t actually trying to hire you. The fact is I’m just a bit of a coward,” Bill finally focuses on Ted once again, “I didn’t actually want you to pretend to be my boyfriend or my fiancé. I just wanted you to be you.”

Ted is struck speechless as he stares at the other man, “Oh. Me.”

“You.”

The two lock eyes as the moment hangs in the air.

Bill wanted Ted to go with him. As Ted. Not a boyfriend, not a date. Just as him. Bill chose him. He was his first choice. He trusts him. He wanted him.

Wait.

When did they get so close?

The two men lock eyes. And then suddenly they’re kissing. It’s short, but it’s passionate nonetheless.

When Ted breaks away he turns towards the coffee table to set his wine glass down out of safety and lets out a soft laugh. A smile grows on his face as his thoughts fly around his head. Was this really happening? Has he really just kissed Bill? Has Bill really kissed him? Fuck, Bill! Sweet Bill?

Ted can’t keep another laugh from escaping.

“Wow, you got over Paul fast,” he jokes, still giddy over the confession.

Bill is disturbed from his matching countenance as a look of confusion clouds his face, “Paul?”

Ted turns to face Bill fully, still unable to stop smiling, but continuing to tease the other man, “C’mon, don’t lie to me. You were into him.”

Bill shakes his head, a slight smile still present on his face, “Ted, I’ve never had feelings for Paul. Okay,  _ maybe _ early on, like  _ really _ early on, years ago, but not now. Definitely not since you.”

Ted’s stomach flutters, and he captures Bill in another kiss before allowing his brain to resume trying to make sense of it all.

“No way,” he’s still smiling, unable to process that this is real, “Not with the jealous stares I’ve been getting from you for the past month.”

Bill hangs his head for a moment, but his face returns with a smile, humoring the other man, “Ted, you knucklehead, I wasn’t jealous of you; I was jealous of Paul, of-of flirting with you. Because you never seemed interested in me, and I, well… I wanted that.”

Ted ducks his head onto Bill’s shoulder, “Bill, you can’t just say things like that.” He brings his head back up to look at the other man properly. “So you’re telling me we’ve both been under the impression that the other wasn’t into us. Okay, cool.” He needs room to think, and no logical thought is possible when he’s that close to Bill. He separates himself from him and stands, shoving his hands in his pockets. He steps around the coffee table and tilts his head back in exasperation at their total miscommunication (or more like lack of communication).

When Ted faces Bill again, his smile is back. “Bill, I’m fucking crazy about you. I’ve been crazy about you. Ever since… God, I don’t know, probably since Beanies, after my interview.” Ted shrugs slightly, “You were my good luck charm.”

Bill stands and makes his way over to Ted, a laugh still permanently stuck on his face.

“I can’t believe you thought I was into Paul.”

Ted removes his hands from his pockets and instead places them on the other man’s waist.

“Bill, no offense, but I really don’t wanna think about Paul right now.”

“Looks like you just might have to shut me up.”

“Hmm,” Ted tries to smirk at the other man, but his delighted smile betrays him, “Is that a challenge?”

Ted decides he no longer regrets posting that ad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and for all your comments and kudos as you followed these idiots' journey!
> 
> I have an epilogue in mind for these guys, so it's possible this fic may update again in the future, but for now thank you for reading <3
> 
> find me on tumblr @ billtedrights


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